Revelations.

Dear God.

Today I turn 21. :) Thank you that more than 21 years ago, you thought of me, even before I was conceived in my mom's womb. On the 8th of May 1989 you set me free from my watery home and let me out into the world. You give me an awesome mommy and daddy, and lots of other family members. I am really thankful for all of that.

God, today I look back at many of the awesome things you've done in my life. You were with me from the very beginning...even before that! But sometimes I feel so alone. Like... what have I done, where is everyone? Those that love me are so far away, those that I hope would love me, don't..and those that don't, well they just don't care. And..although I seem to not care about what other people think, of course it does hurt me...

People tell me that I am strong, but those who know me know that I am just the same as everyone else. But now, I will tell myself to remember that God you know every part of me good and bad and you love me just as much. God,I need your help.. I need to learn to understand that I am worth so much more to you than I see myself, especially at this point in time. the love you have shown me.. its way more than how much time ppl spend with you, or how ppl tell you they love you... cause at the end of the day, when that goes away, there is nothing left anyway!

Sometimes on this earth.. there are so many problems to deal with. And sometimes the problems are just so big, like you can't even begin to wrap ur head around what it is.. let alone try to solve it. Like trying to hug a big big tree but your hands can't touch each other. HAHa sometimes feel abit weird like that. Like you've lost your other hand. So you're like trying to wrap ur hands around this giant tree but you can't feel the other side...

So problems come and go. You get thru them somehow or rather, by hook or by crook. sometimes you come out on top, sometimes you come out at the bottom. And I ask for strength from You to get thru lots of things that are thrown at me. Probably I am looking for a quick fix, like magical skills to suddenly be 'bestowed' upon me to be able to do so much better at what I am. And then it doesn't come, and i am still stuck with this big splat of a mess. SPLAT. BLUEK. Like GOO. BLUEKKKK. SPLATTTTTTT................. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!


What is left.. at the end of the day, is nothing.. not love, not hate, not problems not even my body.. what is left is You.

Today, I turn 21. 21 years of walking with you, though I didn't realize it most of that time.. But, You were, is and will be God from now till the day I leave with nothing.